Betrayal
I woke up to a room teeming with moonlight, letting itself in, unasked
The way friends and lovers do, like how you do
Gentle and guarded, fondling the emotions I delicately preserve
But I lie awake, in our sanctuary
waking up to a rousing I have not felt in what might be an eternity
There is a sliver of smoke in the room from your unruly visits, I blink
Unsure if the silhouettes I caress are real or simply a figment of my yearning;
too strong- exactly like the cup of coffee
Which you stir in amusement, a secret smile
I want to know, want to believe that I know
Because when you leave my bed each break of dawn
I hold on to the wisps of you
In the bedcovers and ashes which find themselves lodged
in my hair- which you twirled between your fingers
I have words- which I soften, afraid to rock the boat.
I see you step into the steamy shower, wrapped in
My sheets- which I patch each time you trail off.
I reach up to dab at the mist resting on your shoulders
Longingly trace the skin, collar to the nape of your neck
Glistening underneath in dark ink a phoenix
Fused in blood and cruel memories
I sense a fog of estrangement holding us in its warm snuggle
Suffocating but compassionate, we cannot let go
It is a delicious betrayal, a ruse of the devil
Your breathy voice carry whispers of sweet nothings
My skin crawls as we draw near to dawn
I implore my eyes to stay open
Ignore the beckoning of the moon, as it tides over
I give it another go, drawing over your shadow
in the cloudy mirror- fearing it will dissipate before my
Eyes remember to remember you.
The days fuse into nights, submitting to the daze.
There is an emotion caught in my throat
An utterance battling to escape
Undecided I choose to stifle it, scared of what it might morph into
It’s a rueful chuckle at the irony of bereavement
It’s a wail of the pensive heart
I lie simmering just a little too long
Like the tea, you left unattended
I am bitter, pining for a taste
But the teapot has been abandoned
Like your toothbrush from the relic
I hush the rumble in my chest
It is dawn now, I hear the receding steps
And with them the mirage
I give in to the temptation of oblivion
Until the moon knocks again tomorrow.
